Im not an expert, but one thing I do think I know is “The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry

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I'm not an expert, but one thing I do think I know is "The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry." I am not attempting to suggest by any means that your outcome wouldn't be as you say it would, but I would simply like to state that feelings in the present hold a very different set of variables than in the future, and that many actions and feelings aren't felt in the same way in practice as they are in outcome, even after many years of confrontation (and at times the longer you wait the more you get sucked into this warped perspective). As a person who has experienced some personal losses in different ways over the years (albeit most of them not dealing with death, but other harsh life influences) my only advice is that only you understand you, and only time continues to shape you further, therefore (I feel) you should stay focused on your own person and, as this continues, stay focused on your feelings as they come, and worry less about your and others basis of your outcome.

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